Means to an end

Working this job I've encountered a lot of frustrations. Daily, I try to roll with the things I don't like about it. Cranky customers and bad management decisions are a way of life when you're the one and only employee of a small local business.

I gotta tell you, lately it's gotten harder to set aside feelings I have no right to have. I feel overwhelmed with a sense of malcontentment and grousitude. I know I need to make a change before I come to dread coming here everyday.

I do love what I do but not in the capacity that I have to do it right now. I'm ready to solidify my future plans in order to have something to look forward to.
I don't want to make awards anymore. I don't want to have a boss anymore. I don't think it's a crime to want to make a living on as much of your own terms as possible. And mine are these: I want to work out of a basement or a dark, shitty little work room. I want to engrave marble and tile for people to put in there bathrooms or kitchens or fireplaces or whatever. That's all I want to do. I'm tired of every other thing I create saying "In recognition for a blow-job well done..." or whatever. I just want to engrave koi and orchids into tiles and them paint them pretty colors. I know there's a market for it because I saw it online. That's where I want to be. The only person I ever want to speak with face-to-face at work is the UPS guy.

So what I have to do right now is an exercise in patience and humility. I need to set aside my ego long enough to get the bread to buy a laser. I can keep this up a while longer as long as I also work at changing my situation.