After two uncomfortable conversations, I believe I'm coming to a realization. It's old news and I don't know why I choose the wait three years to process this. My boyfriend told me that when a guy abruptly breaks up with his partner in a committed relationship, that usually means he's messing around or is about to. After some reflection, I suspect that's often accurate. After some more reflection, I'm coming to the belief that was the situation with me and the Ex.
My first impulse is to confront him and demand to be told what I don't think I really want to hear. But I won't do that. I would get no relief and I couldn't count on hearing the truth anyway.
What I find frustrating is the fact that the Ex is old news. Three years old. And I'm still processing a lot of feelings(pretty negative ones) toward him. I thought I was done with that. I thought that because I had done the step work and made the amends that I would be beyond anger or hurt concerning him. And I'm not. And that's supposed to be normal.
Yeah, he probably was fooling around or planning to. The evidence was there. The inclination was also there. Yeah, we were over at least two years before we were really broken up. Yeah, I fooled around early on so there were projected jealousy issues for a good chunk of our relationship. And yeah, I'm glad I'm not with him and I don't miss him.
That being said, it still is a process of acceptance for me. Even after all this time and work, I still have more work and more feelings to do and experience.
Getting over takes a long time and maybe isn't total.
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