strolling, trolling and bowling?

I walk to work. I never learned how to drive a car. That's okay though. I don't really have much interest in that anyway.

This morning, I left my apartment and I noticed how cool it got and how fast it got that way. Not two weeks ago it was in the triple digits all day everyday. Now it's like heaven to go the work with a nice breeze in the upper 70s.

I was thinking about how like spring the temperature felt, but with a completely different feeling. Fall has a different emotion, different motivation. I noticed that while the tentative warmth of spring has a triumphant, new life quality; autumn is like a gracious looser. The summer bows out with a smile and a wave and falls strolls in to say, "Yeah, okay. You're ready for a change but you and I both know it won't be this way for long. Enjoy me, I'll enjoy you, and we'll both put off the inevitable of winter."

The smells in the air are quite different. To me, spring hints at a promise--a renewal. The smell of fall is that of affable defeat. Depressing? Not so much. Death/change has to happen in order for there to be a beginning. Shadow cannot exist without light behind it.

Everything looses it's novelty. Nothing stays new for very long. The mystique is gone and the stores only put out so many new clothes for each season. I can only buy so many of the same color theme before I crave a calender change to facilitate a wardrobe change. It is the nature of things.

I find myself introspective to the point of mental masturbation when the seasons are changing. Like with each temperature change I require a light "housecleaning."

My relationship with my boyfriend is due for something to upset it's applecart. Whether that be good or bad is not for me to say. It is in my nature to fear and be repelled by change. But I don't think it's fair to label changes as "good/bad." That's like having emotions about your emotions. It's self-indulgent and self-defeating. I can "like/not like" whatever changes are coming, but they are always good because they are always necessary for me to grow.

I got all this from humanizing an inhuman force of nature. Yikes. I need to seek better counsel than my cat.

250 acrylics to burn

and I'm at about 116 so far. The boss came to work this morning only to turn around and go home again. That makes for a long day. Longer still when I consider the appointments made that go well into 10pm tonight. Right living and fulfilling obligations can be exhausting.

I often wonder where I hid my gratitude. While walking around my apartment, did I set it down somewhere? I haven't lost it. It is merely misplaced. I'm confident it will turn up in the mouth of some crazy with 36 hours under his belt and beads of vodka sweat on his brow.

The thing I need to remeber is: God's a funny guy. Sometimes His humor is sardonic or downright sick. But He's funny. God's the comedian playing to an audience afraid to laugh. Is stifling a chuckle a lesser sin than any other? Am I in closer contatct with Him when I allow myself to be amused at the irony that is everyday living?